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The Winter of my Discontent... [entries|friends|calendar]

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Wewt... [05 Jul 2007|09:20pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Hi all.  Know I've been gone for forever. Sorry.

Ok, I didn't post about losing my job for the following reasons, A: It's minorly embarassing; B: I think it's a bunch of crap that I got canned; C: No one would believe the reason....
Ok... I had an off week... I missed a shift and I was a half hour late for another.  So I got a write up.  I've maybe missed 4 scheduled shifts in the last year and a half but YEEBUS!  I get hauled into the General Managers office and she doesn't need to chew  me out because... quite honestly I'm far harder on myself.  I get my first write up since the store opened, and sobbing I accepted the concequences Angie described if I had another foul up.  I'd lose my hard earned 'rank' within te store, and I could be suspended.  Wiping the tears from my eyes I METICULIOUSLY checked the schedule, I had it in my phone and written everywhere.  That sunday I knew I closed the kitchen, so I went to  church with grandma in the morning (Oh the drama behind my return to the christian church ;) ) and when I get home my mom is BEAMING that I rememberd to go to church and that I was there for gran.  We were laughing and enjoying lunch, and I noticed I had a message on the phone, when I checked, I'd missed a shift.  I was crushed but when I called back my friend at work said all was ok, just come in for my later shift, things had been coverd, and it was illegable on the schedule (due to low toner) my time in for FOH. So when I come in I have no idea Damacules' sword is about to drop.  I clock in, I chatter, there's no noise about pissed managers... so I gigure I'm ok.. I start cooking and Angie comes over after 15 minutes and says to have a seat at '22' and wait.  Now 22 is a 4 top, usually when you meet with a manager they want to use a 2 top booth.  So... I have a seat.. I drink  my soda and like a break-up, you know  it's coming... you feel it in your chest.  Then out come... 3... not the usual 2 managers that are on at that time of night.  Apparently I've been late 22 times since April (and they're counting minutes trust me) doccumented on file.   I have one write up that I've signed and after factoring in this latest absence... no matter how much I've done for the store and even though my managers just wanted to suspend me for a week well corperate standards just wouldn't allow it they had to let me go. 

Litterally I've been dealing with this for the last 2 weeks.  I've chilled I've been looking for work.  I filed for unemployment.
Today I get a call for my mum.  Her boss wants me to wash dishes there once a week.  Ok, I know it's not the greatest but if I can bust ass down there.. I KNOW I can pick up a day or 2 in the kitchen and if I'm a good girl I can get out on the floor I'm sure of it.  I know.  it's a little tavern in a little town... but... it's a start.  Any job is better than nothing.. I hate not working. 

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interaction [10 Apr 2006|09:38am]
[ mood | awake ]

guy: and THREE he doesn't love you even a BIT, and will vanish out of your life the very SECOND he gets bored. Here to go as we used to say when I was a prostitute.
grrl: I'm not stupid you know...
guy: Oh hell, I'm sorry..
grrl: No FUCK you, just FUCK YOU, ok?
guy: Look I'm all full of medication, I don't know what I'm saying, I don't even know if it's me saying it--
grrl: I thought, you know this would be fun, but when I'm not nursemaiding you or almost getting arrested with you then I'm getting insulted by you. And I know he doesn't love me, ok? I'm NOT stupid. But, but, but you didn't have to just come out and say it.
guy: Oh for christs sakes I'm sorry--
grrl: No, no, FUCK your sorry. You're going to listen to me for once, you're going to be the audiance fir a change. Because, you know, here I AM, I've got gorgeous guy and I'm making money without having to watch people jack off over my feet, life is GOOD and I havn't cleaned off yet, I've got his sweat all over me and I'm still sore from when he fucked me in the taxi. AND I KNOW that he doesn't even LIKE me much. Do you have any idea what that makes me feel like? You just don't say it, you don't think it. I'm nuts about him, I've told him everything there is to tell about me, and he spends every night balls deep in me and I look down at him when we're fucking and it's like looking in an empty house. You just don't say it...
guy: I'm sorry I'm an asshole..
grrl: I'm just having a bad day is all, if I'd had a few more hours sleep I'd've probably ignored you...

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Getting ready... [03 Apr 2006|05:02pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

Ok, so today started mych like any other day, I woke up, too damned early, and went about the daily routine of getting ready for work. I was listening to music and I watched someone that wasn't well.. wasn't what I was realy used to looking at. Now I've taken off my facial piercings for jobs and I've had to take off some other jewlery but I can't think of a job that I've ever had to take off my 2 rings. That got me thinking about what I was doing...

I remember a time when I wouldn't bother with a job that made me alter my appearance, I mean I had blue hair I wore wierd shit.. and I realy mean wierd. Then I think I wore a 'work shirt' then it was a shirt and khakis, then the jewlery started to drop... I dunno, I suppose what I've worn to work has always been some sort of a reflection of where I was and where I was in my head.

I thought about it and I realy don't LIKE that I have to take these rings off but every day begrudgingly I do so, because for the first time, in a LONG time I'm excited about my job, I like what I do and I EVEN like the people, most of them >.< So I do this, and day after day I'm good at it, and I love it, and I do it again and again....

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You piss me the FUCK off... [31 Mar 2006|05:58pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Ok here it is, I barly know you, and I can't STAND you. Seriously, now I hate everything, I can't STAND most EVERYBODY but you... you have this ability.. it's repulsion, that's what it is. I'm utterly repulsed by you. I find you repugnant. It's odd because by all accounts you seem to be a decent person. Other people seem to think so, others seem to be quite taken with you. I refuse to interact with you unless forced. Now don't think that this is somthing as simple as jelousy, no that would mean I... Uh.. that I had an inkling of interest in you.
Seriously. I hate you.
The best part is, you have no fucking idea who you are.

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another quiz cause it's.. dead on? [03 Feb 2006|02:01pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

You are Bettie Page!
You're Bettie Page!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Rough hands... [28 Nov 2005|08:37pm]
[ mood | good ]

Ok, tell me about them...
You know..
When you slide your hand into someone elses for the first time...
And you can get a read.. on the real them, as your fingers slide over their palms...

Now me, it's rough hands...
Someone that REALY works ya know...
Maybe it's cause I can't abide physical labor...
Maybe it's the thought that they DO somthing...
Maybe I think strong hands mean safty...

What about you?

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Anyone hungry? [28 Nov 2005|03:58pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

Anorexia Nervosa
Hunger hurts, but starving works to you. You swarm
on your emptiness, thrive it, get high off it.
You starve yourself to rid youself of sin. You
think bones are the purest thing in the body,
and want to be the perfect angel you feel you
can be. You find youself on the scale three
times a day, writing down all of the food you
acctually intake in a calorie counter. You
don't get to close to anyone, they might make
you let go of all you built up. You excercise
in insane amounts, and sometimes S.I. to cope
with the pains.

What's Your Disorder?
brought to you by Quizilla

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DRUGS, YEA! [28 Nov 2005|12:30am]
[ mood | high ]

You scored as Cocaine. Be careful, this drug is very addicting, and you can build a tolerance quickly.
















What's your ideal drug?
created with QuizFarm.com
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[15 Nov 2005|02:15pm]
[ mood | (ow my pride) ]

Yea.. so....
I think.. maybe it's better that we don't talk..
I think that the fact we were seemingly so close before you dissapated like a mist in the morning sun..
It makes me sick to think that even through our friendship, you inspired me...
You gave me hope, in this thin delicate way.
I know, that we were friends...
Friends notice when you're gone.
Friends say later before they vanish...
A friend... guess that's a little further than you're willing to go...
That's cool though...
It'll free up my time for someone worth it...
I.. have some of the worst taste in friends...

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Well hell... [20 Oct 2005|01:17am]
[ mood | restless ]

This entry is just for one of the most influential people in my life.
I don't think anyone has made me feel more than you have,
When it was good it was great... you opened.. a world to me...
And yea, you were vile, and I was vile, and you played the bad guy and I played a victim...
And for all YayYay was a big stupid animal, he did peg us right...
We were two wounded kids, and we cared about eachother and couldn't get it right...
So I acted out, and you acted out, each of us in our own way...
I loved you, I burned with hatred for you, I wept broken without you, I cried hopless with you...
I miss you, I miss my friend.. I miss someone that GOT me...
If I could have realy let all the bullshit go last time..
I thought I had some.. power for once.. and that's childish...
I miss you...
Your eyes, so.. big.. like a fawn, the way you'd purse your lips, your whole face responded to your lips...
If you see this... if you ever look for me... I'm always here.. and I always want to talk to you...
I'm not sorry for anything, everything we were and did made us what we are..
And honestly, WE are fucking great.

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Yea... [13 Oct 2005|11:41am]
[ mood | chipper ]

So I spent the night...
Making my LJ look like this...
thoughts? comments?
Does anyone else wast HUGE ammounts of tome doing this?
Talk to me dawlies..

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huh... [02 Sep 2005|05:46pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

If i was a serial killer i would be Jack the Ripper.

Jack the Ripper, by far the most notorious killer of all time. What would drive a man to kill 5 prostitutes, surgically mutilate the bodies, then stop, to never be heard from again? Most of the murders were pretty much the same, the victim had her throat cut and her abdomen exposed, the intestines were placed over her right shoulder and sometimes a kidney or even the heart had been removed.

Jack the RIpper's murders are still unsolved.

Kill count: 5

Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now!
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Dreams.. another time another place... [01 Sep 2005|12:49am]
[ mood | relaxed ]

It's odd cause.. it was like a nights I've had a thousand times.. but you were there.. and that seemed so right.. so normal...
I had gotten dressed to go to Liquid with Chanson, and he picked me up in his Impala, he always used to drive that, not the 2Fast2Furious shit he drives now. He laughs cause I'm NEVER ready on time, and he always waits. I finally emerge and it wasn't sliding into the fishnets and the pinstripe skirt that took time, it was the 50 hooks on my black lace corsette, and the black eyeliner that was so carefully painted on. We make the half hour drive talking about the same things we always talked about, the things that have been said 1000 times in the dim carlight as we drove to Grand Rapids... We get to Liquid early... it's barly 10:00 p.m. We head in and order 2 Italian Ices' I refuse to specify a flavor telling Mark behind the bar to surprise me, he's not being an asshole tonight and what I get back is actually drinkable. I look around the room, and the couches are full of goth wannabees watching a cult flick they didn't know about till they got there pretending they'd seen it a million times, but had actually never known that 'Hunter S.Thompson' wrote books... I remember Chanson wandered off to shoot pool and I smiled when I saw you, sitting on one of the couches feet kicked up as you sat back listening to whatever was playing over your headphones. I smiled and with my drink and my sketchbook I wander over and fall into your lap nearly coating us in italian ice as I fall. We both laugh and you don't even seem to notice the near calamity that follows me so closely. I set my drink on a table and leaned back onto you your hands slid around my waist and liss my neck, and we sit there talking I absently sketch the geeks... I look up absently and pout when you get up, you take our empty glasses and come back with Green Chai and M&M cookies and even though I can't stand sweets I can't resist a cookie with chai and you knew it. The night goes on and the DJ keeps spinning Reganomics cause it's a Tuesday, and the crowd picks up a little after the bars get out and we laugh at the drunks that come in to the den of freaks just to get a cup of coffee so they can drive home. We shoot pool against chanson and some random person and I make sure to bend and lean just to tease you as I shoot. The night gives way to morning, and we all drive up to Denny's for a 5am breakfast. It's full, the place is loud and the coffee is stale but we drink it, and you and Chanson laugh as the waitress looks at me funny when I send her to the kitchen so I can have honey in my coffee. I kissed you after breakfast under the lights of the Denny's parking lot, you didn't make fun of my eyeliner smudging lower giving me raccoon eyes, and you look so amazing, feel so warm and close and I knew I'd see you again soon... the next night...

Then I woke up, and I was sad, for just a second before I realized I was right, I will see you tonight.. in my dreams...

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wonderment and dejection... [11 Aug 2005|01:30am]
[ mood | (no heartbroken) ]

I want to make this hatefull, I wanted this to be angry...
I think all I can muster is a little self pitty...
That pisses me off more than a little cause I'd like a little ritious indignation on my side...
Some of the hell fire that realy gets me going...

I mean hello Lauren, lets get a fire started for a 'nice guy' cause we all know how those rev your engine... oh.. he has a girlfriend.. well... that's a problem.. oh, he's ~going~ to leave her eh? we're falling for that now? ok well.. yes.. sweet, tell sus we're beautefull? we deserve the world? remember girl.. they're crafty.. oh wait.. we're hooked? being reeled in? just to see him screwing his girlfriend on the riverbank as soon as I'm pulled out of the water...

Now of corse I imagined the seeing them screwing on the embankment.. and... I pushed him away.. you think that I did the right thing eh? He left her 3 days before he started persuing me and as he's not a hugly public person didn't broadcast, a month after I pushed him away cause I couldn't believe him... he was dead...

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bad friggin day... [03 Aug 2005|01:29am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

and it just won't quit.. it's like that dream that you wake up, but you're still asleep, and you still have to wake up for real? yea.. that was my day...
1 st level of Xoxo hell: waking up at 8am, yes folks you got me right... to my grandmother.. to go to the CW(FRIGGIN')F so I can get the CRAFTS ready for vacation biblechool that is OVER A WEEK AWAY!
ok.. ok.. I do my thing, I do my time... and.. I think.. that, I'm goin home 3 hrs before work, I'll have tome to wind down, chill and relax...
2nd level: Coming home with grandma, to find my road is closed.. like you can't get out of maple street yo. period.. they're putting in pipes, done deal, no way out and no way in.. so in the blistering heat.. I walk home, then all to quickly to work.. where my boss is.. drunk.. but.. I think.. for a minute.. that things are ok... because he leavs quickly, it's not too busy.. one of my regulars left me a green type tip. woot.. but.. nope...
3rd level: I break the frickin' window to the store room with the handle of the mop as I'm walking in... So there's clean up, dealing with my ride.. that's waiting... and keeps waiting.. while I close for the next hour. I have glass all over me, in my clothes, teenee tiny shards that have officially cut me enough to bleed in a few spots (yay humidity) and when I get home... our plumming is backing up, no showers or laundry please...

I think.. I'm gonna shoot somthing.. I realy am..
or grow fur and sit in a tree...

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Oh dearie me.... [02 Aug 2005|02:07am]
[ mood | crappy ]

How long do we get to milk it for all it's worth,
how long do we pout and flirt and fucking make kissy faces... shit...
how long do we inflate hopes of nothing and be CRUSHED when the nothing that would inevatabley happen DOES!
What the hell is wrong... with my speciese.. I swear... one step foreward and two back! I'm a worthless retard at times....
The worst part.. I havn't even done anything yet...

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Cosmic retrobution? [31 Jul 2005|02:00pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I bumped into an old Ex in the mall the other day, and to really continue with this I'll have ta give ya a little background. He was a stone fox that one, I'm not kidding, the absolute best looking guy I've seen TO DATE. Now, I took one look at him, dumped my bf of 2 years, for no reason other than I HAD to date this kid. We had a fabulious time together too.. it was great realy... but I tell ya what, the drama and excitement has to end somewhere, and we had a disagreement on a religious issue; He thought he was god (he knew he was a knock out) and I disagreed, so we went our separate ways. We hooked up a few times over the next two years, I mean, he was... I know.. I've said it, but YEA GODS he was beauteful... ok.. yea moving on..

Bumped into the ex and he had massive burn-scars over like... half his body, and that angel face, was gone... I was litteraly speechless,(and if you know mw you know how rare it is) I couldn't introduce my mother, I mean my mind blanked when I saw him, all that cute, all that attitude, his career (yea he modeled) gone... I wondered later when my mind recovered from it's oatmeal state, if it was payback for being a peacock for the last 17 years... I mean, three fold... he coulda' got much worse...
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What's in a name? [24 Jun 2005|06:38pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Although the name Lauren creates idealism and the urge to help others, we emphasize that it causes a materialistic approach that frustrates higher humanitarian qualities. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the nervous system, and reproductive organs.

Your name of Lauren has brought you enjoyment in working with people in circumstances in which you can organize and direct their efforts, preferably in an executive position. You are self-expressive, philanthropic, clever, and ambitious. You like to specialize in whatever you undertake. This name gives you an optimistic outlook on life. You appreciate good quality in all things and want the best money can buy. You have big ideals and dreams about the things you would like but you are not always willing to put forth the necessary effort, particularly if it means being subservient to others or having to work in an unimportant, menial capacity. Position and means are important to you and, in order to create this impression of affluence, you will spend even when it is not prudent to do so. You like to give the impression that you have everything under control.

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Still reading my livejournal lameass? (You know who you are) [26 Mar 2005|04:24am]
[ mood | satisfied ]

Thank you for making me look good, for letting me bitch and sitting back while I ruined you. I'm always such a victim, so hurt and hopeless, worried, tired, and lost. Such the tortured image. It seems like OoooOh you made me this way. Well yes but that's what I wanted and I manipulated you into that. I'm strong enough to make you make me look like a victim. It's all a great joke I like to play. I don't need you, I need you to think I do. Eventually you'll need me... ~*hee hee*~ Sorry it's just somthing I do, you know? like you have to fall in love? I have to abuse that, it's just the way things are. A predator posing as a housepet, fox preying on a rabbit, the natural order. I've had it done to me so it's not like I'm the fu*king top of the bloody food chain or anything. I'm not bragging, I'm just stating fact, like the grass is green, or the sky is blue. I just don't need you. Sorry.

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Why I am better off without you [04 Jan 2005|05:39pm]
[ mood | predatory ]

Who the hell do you think you are?
Do you think I can't do better than you?
Look at me! I'm SO much better than you.... always have been...
I strut.. you sulk.. you bask in my glory and I have to radiate on overtime to overcome you're black whole of needieness....
I hate you...
In retrospect... you're everything I DON'T want around me...
I thought I was doing better... but it's the same old crap... the whiny, moping incessant babbling about MY self-improvment!
You're weak.. and I don't need you...
I was blind to think I could. To think that I would REALY love you... I mean, come on.. honestly.... you're not even in my league... hell... you're not even in the league below me! Talk about me slumming it....
I need to remember that....
cause I'm a fucking predator...
And I need fresh meat....

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